why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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