I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
