Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
