I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
