If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
