Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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