Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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