a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
