The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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