Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
