How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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