i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
