Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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