you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
