Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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