Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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