i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
