They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
