i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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