May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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