What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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