Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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