just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize