That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
