Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
