I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
