Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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