Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
