I have demons in me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
