i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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