So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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