The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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