You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
