we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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