Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This toilet bowl is my home.
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