the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
