Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
