I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
