just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
