And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
