I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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