the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
