I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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