i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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