i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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