I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
