thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
