someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
