shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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