How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
