Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
