It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
