Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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