His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
