did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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