Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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