I like to think it a success when the cops are called
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
