Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
