Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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