I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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