Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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