your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize