Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
