There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
