As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do herpes really smell.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
