If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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