Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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