im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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