wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
