OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The power of my boobs compel you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
