I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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