Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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