Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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