yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
