This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
