Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
