The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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