med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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