I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
