what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
