i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
