You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
