I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize