just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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